I'm not gonna lie - I’m not entirely sure why I took an almost instantaneous shine to Peru. I'm not a massive Paddington Bear fan, but that said - I do share his fondness for marmalade.
Anyway, after three weeks here I reckon it could well come down to one or all of the following:
1. Snickers bars. Up until now, there has been pretty much a complete dearth of decent confectionery bars in South America. This is a VERY important matter and one not to be taken lightly. Not sure if the Bolivian peasant manning his confectionary stand near the border was quite prepared for the EXPLOSIVE excitement of a sunburnt, balding, ginger 6’3” Englishman one Sunday morning three weeks ago, as he discovered that he stocked not only Snickers bars BUT MARS BARS TOO. Yes, Peru. Yes. Off to an excellent start, most definitely.
2. Indiana Jones. Peru’s most famous site is, without a doubt, Machu Picchu. It is pretty amazing, an entire ruined but intact citadel perched on a mountainside high up in the Andes. It is literally IN the clouds. I could wax-lyrical about it here, but it’s probably a far better use of your and my time if you just Google it. What I didn’t know, is that Indiana Jones is based on the American chap who discovered this place in 1911 - Hiram Bingham. And everyone knows that Indiana Jones is the greatest action hero ever. More so than Chuck Norris, who, let’s be honest, wouldn't last 5 mins outside of his Texan comfort zone here in South America.
Christmas lights. In Bolivia, everyone is out to kill you. Now I’m not being paranoid here - you can’t take it personally, it’s just that everyone is out to kill everyone else when it comes to driving. And I’m not just talking about the night-time alcohol-fuelled 60 mph tailgating with one headlight on full-beam, the 12-wheeler articulated trucks who
like to play chicken with you in a huge, looming cloud of dust or the unmarked speed-bumps that are at least 50% of the height of the Berlin Wall. Brake lights? Meh. Why would you need them?! Taillights? They’re for pussies. Headlights? As I said, they’re there to blind other people - not to actually see where you’re going. BUT IN PERU…at least they take the time to attach flashing neon Christmas lights to the bumpers and around the number plate, despite the complete absence of any other lighting at nighttime. Plus the speed bumps are marked. And the traffic-policewomen have a rather attractive female-YMCA-cop look going on too.
4. $BOL50. The small bribe I had to pay to get out of Bolivia, due to a form that I was expected to have but swear I’d never seen before, despite this being the 4th time I’d crossed the border. Not amused not so much the bribe, but the pretense of competence from the smartly dressed policeman who clearly took himself waaay too seriously. I’ve got to say, I'd struggled to warm to the Bolivians - since tourism is pretty much the only industry that Bolivia seems to have going for it, you can’t help but feel you’re a bit of a cash-cow there to be milked. In Peru, you feel a lot more welcome - not sure why, but that’s the case. During our cross-country jungle trip (see below), literally the first guy we bumped into in one town invited us to camp at his farm for 3 days, where food was cooked for us and we chilled out at our leisure. He was restoring the place to be some kind of eco-resort (complete with alligators), after it was burnt down by Shining Path terrorists 30 years ago. In the same town, we were mobbed by hundreds school kids for 2 hours, fascinated by the bikes and the sight of 5 gringos emerging from the jungle - later we were told that for some of them we were probably the first gringos they’d ever seen in the flesh, as tourism is only just returning to the area after years of insecurity. And, no, they didn’t know who David Beckham is - we asked.
5. Roads. The famous Bolivian “Death Road” (no longer actually that dangerous after they built a bypass) was pretty cool - despite losing rear brake pressure for about 20 mins of the middle of it. Big waterfalls, 1,500 ft spectacular drops as the gravel road rounds a valley. But in Peru, that’s where the REAL adventure began for me - I’ve been riding for the last two weeks with Matthew, Megan, Martin and Mich, as we set out on a cross-country ride across the central Highlands via Machu Picchu. Cue days of wild jungle roads, slipping in mud, getting covered head to toe in dust, dropped bikes, skipping over dirt tracks and potholes at full-tilt whilst HUGE drops to the valley below flash by just feet from you, knee-deep river crossings, mosquitos, police checkpoints with BIIIIG guns, machetes, ascending cloudy mountain passes, dodging falling rocks and mosquitos…did I mention the mosquitos? High point of the trip so far. I’ve been laid up in Lima for six days now - waiting for a garage to open after the Easter break so I can do some much needed work on the bike. In Europe, it’s possible to do 5,000 miles without a hitch, but out here all of our bikes have been eaten up, chewed up and spat out by the roads - whether it be shredded oil filters, toasted rear brakes, smashed windscreens, trashed pannier-boxes or crumpled shock-absorbers - but that's what it's all about. So, where next? North! To Ecuador and Colombia, where I freight out at the end of the month.
